A Tale About My Supernovae
A supernova is a powerful and luminous explosion of a star. This transient astronomical event occurs during the last evolutionary stages of a massive star or when a white dwarf is triggered into runaway nuclear fusion.
Eight in the morning when the sun barely poured its warm. The sound of a hissed kettle almost diminished with waves of laughter. A small talk in the kitchen continued, the news anchor’s voice on the TV, the chair moved, and a cup of tea stirred.
It was just yesterday, day one of this year, but I already knew it would be one of the most delicious teas I’ve ever tasted. I sat comfortably on a wooden chair and effortlessly joined in the conversation while sometimes gazing at the screen. What started as a mundane talk continued for hours and hours, though I won’t even complain.
I always love having all I know gathered at a dining table. But what I experienced that morning was more than a gathering with a bunch of people I knew at college. It once again healed other wounds of mine I didn’t know existed. And I am definitely losing count of that.
When we all started getting closer, each of us realized that this friendship gave every person something we failed to get in our past or family. It might sound cheesy, but each of us takes a role as someone in a big family, making us feel as if there’s nothing wrong with every burden that’s rotten at the bottom of our hearts.
As the oldest child in the family, I was always a person who was naturally pressured to appear and execute everything flawlessly. That made me easily nervous and occupied with fears at times. Slowly I realized that that tendency has stopped me from doing many things. Even as simple as interacting with strangers or ordering my coffee in a new place.
Then, I meet these people who never complain about my scattered hair that looks awful in the morning. My crybaby tendency to cry over the silliest things. My barely-tasty cooking, continuous rants, and unreasonable mood swings. People who listened to me talking about the same things over and over again until I got it right.
I almost know what it means to just be myself around them. I finally see that it’s okay not to always be good at something, to always cover my flaws. Finally, moving and actually living in that city feel manageable.
And that city, goodness, only Lord knows how much I used to hate that place. It feels like a haunted territory that tortures my mind every time I reminsice it. There were just too many bad memories beneath some corners of the city. But now, slowly, as more experiences unlocked, I started to see the city as a place full of good times and hopes.
When one of them asked me to go out unexpectedly to a local museum, I passed the same road where I used to hold my pain while crossing it. I realized how different my life has turned out ever since. And I couldn’t be more grateful.
That’s just a simple thing that leaves a big trace in my heart. Spreading the warmth and eventually touching my unhealed wounds that have been abandoned. Being with them teaches me a lot, but this time not a hurtful lesson. Every day that passed helped my heart open to learn how to actually enjoy this life, give and give without much hesitation, love correctly, and be loved unconditionally.
And with that, I know every good thing must come to an end, but I’m pretty sure you guys will keep living inside me as one of my eternal lights that will always, always, lead me back to what I perceived as a miracle.
